Hubby calls me that at least once a day! I think of it as his little pet name for me and just smile...and say,"Yep, you knew that about me when you married me..."
I am going to share with you all where this...ummm.. ...character trait..that is what I am going with, panned out yesterday after a long journey on a particular goal. I have been determined to have fresh milk. Before I moved to the farm I was buying it. Not an easy or cheep task around here,if you manage to find anyone brave enough to sell it it runs $10 a gallon! No that is not a typo I said $10 a gallon! The Boy had to drink every last drop out of his cereal or I threatened his life! So I get to the farm and Hubby gets me a cow,Fiona. Little did we know she was Satan's she Heifer ! Oh ,she seemed fine at first. Then she calved...still fine. Then came milking time...that is when she decided she was going to use my head as a soccer ball! I had worked with her before she calved,practically milked her, so this came as a huge surprise! No matter what we did the she was determined to brain me! Hubby built me a milking stall ,she could kick but she couldn't kick me, well, she couldn't kick me in the head at least! This worked for a short while. Then she figured out she could hide her milk...even if I let the calf suck first to get her started...I could only get a small amount. She got better at this every time I milked her and I got less and less.Fiona continued on her rampage of evil getting worse and worse. She became to barn yard bully and eventually gored the horse and one donkey. I wanted to make her to hamburger but Hubby took her to the vet and had her "tools of darkness" removed. Apparently the devil lived in her horns because after her exorcism, or horn removal, she became a normal cow again....who would have thought.
I am going to have me some fresh milk! So The Boy loves the goats...so I get to thinking we will just have milk goats. All we had is Butter Bean,a whether,and Nibbles who was too young to breed and no buck even if she was old enough. So I turn to everybody's friend, Craig's List. We come home with Doodah who is supposedly bred. Nope she comes into heat. Now we are new to goats at his time and I would have swore that goat had turned into a Banshee! The wailing and hollerin' that goat did ! So...we need another bred goat.We get Guinness and Sweet Pea which turned in to heartbreaking disaster. Lack of experience and just plain naivety led us down a bad path. Sweet Pea had to have a c-section and her baby was dead.Guinness had Murry then died . Murry who was seemingly healthy this whole time died at about 6 weeks.That was such a sad chapter in our new life...
We got us our own Buck ,Mr.Tumnus. He is a very sweet and good natured fellow,and very handsome ! So by this time Nibbles was old enough and Doodah was more than ready according to her Banshee wailings! This meant even longer wait for the elusive fresh milk,baby goats just don't happen over night you know!
A lesser,non hard headed hillbilly woman might have given up by now...not me! So Nibble's finally has her boys and Doodah has her triplets and we are waiting until the time is right.
There is something I need to tell you about Nibbles...if goats could be diagnosed with goatie ADHD she would be the poster goat for it! Training her to milk has been...interesting to say the least. I had been leaving it up to The Boy to get her used to the stand and getting...handled ! A week goes buy and I have no milk...I ask what is going on and he tells me she won't stay still.Well, of course not, it is Nibbles after all! So I make him a Velcro hobble for her. No go ,she is too strong for it .So, I decide I am going to get some milk one way or another, I have waited long enough!
I go out to appraise the situation. I have my milk pan in hand...I give Nibbles a steely gaze ,she looks at me like a brainless idiot. Surly, I think, I can get me some milk out of this crazy ADHD goat. She hops up on the stanchion and begins eating. Well that was easy...maybe too easy! I put my pan under her and go to milk and she is still from the mid-body up, except for her big ole rubbery Nibble lips hoovering up that feed at light speed! She has got to be setting some sort of record! Now from the waist down..wait,I don't think goats have waist...well you know where I mean! From the waist down she is doing something akin to Fred Astaire on crack. "What the heck is wrong with your goat?!?!" I am genuinely ....perplexed! Well....I am getting some milk from this goat one way or another! I tell The Boy,"Grab on to them back legs because we are fixen to tag team wrestle this crazy goat!"
And we did, and we did it again the next day and we will ever day until she decides to surrender and GIVE ME MY MILK! I have been waiting a year and a half for this milk and I am going to get it even if The Boy has to take a goat hoof to the head! No, no, I am just kidding,but I am getting my milk! I have been dreaming of fresh milk for so long...I was a little nervous at the first sip,I had never actually had goats milk before. I had heard from some it is horrible and some it is delicious.....and I have to say YUM! It was really good!..Next week I start with Doodah. Then It really will be tag team wrestling..the Goaties vs. The People! Maybe I should say the Goaties vs.The Stubborn Hard-Headed Hilly Billy Woman and her Offspring!