Friday, May 14, 2010

Stubborn,Hard-Headed ,Hillbilly Woman

Hubby calls me that at least once a day! I think of it as his little pet name for me and just smile...and say,"Yep, you knew that about me when you married me..."

I am going to share with you all where this...ummm.. ...character trait..that is what I am going with, panned out yesterday after a long journey on a particular goal. I have been determined to have fresh milk. Before I moved to the farm I was buying it. Not an easy or cheep task around here,if you manage to find anyone brave enough to sell it it runs $10 a gallon! No that is not a typo I said $10 a gallon! The Boy had to drink every last drop out of his cereal or I threatened his life!  So I get to the farm and Hubby gets me a cow,Fiona. Little did we know she was Satan's she Heifer ! Oh ,she seemed fine at first. Then she calved...still fine. Then came milking time...that is when she decided she was going to use my head as a soccer ball! I had worked with her before she calved,practically milked her, so this came as a huge surprise! No matter what we did the she was determined to brain me! Hubby built me a milking stall ,she could kick but she couldn't kick me, well, she couldn't kick me in the head at least! This worked for a short while. Then she figured out she could hide her milk...even if I let the calf suck  first to get her started...I could only get a small amount. She got better at this every time I milked her and I got less and less.Fiona continued on her rampage of evil getting worse and worse. She became to barn yard bully and eventually gored the horse and  one donkey. I wanted to make her to hamburger but Hubby took her to the vet and had her "tools of darkness" removed. Apparently the devil lived in her horns because after her exorcism, or horn removal, she became a normal cow again....who  would have thought.

I am going to have me some fresh milk! So The Boy loves the goats...so I get to thinking we will just have milk goats. All we had is Butter Bean,a whether,and Nibbles who was too young to breed and no buck even if she was old enough. So I turn to everybody's friend, Craig's List. We come home with Doodah who is supposedly bred. Nope she comes into heat. Now we are new to goats at his time and I would have swore that goat had turned into a Banshee! The wailing and hollerin' that goat did !  So...we need another bred goat.We get Guinness and Sweet Pea which turned in to heartbreaking disaster. Lack of experience and just plain naivety  led us down a bad path. Sweet Pea had to have a c-section and her baby was dead.Guinness had Murry then died . Murry who was seemingly healthy this whole time died at about 6 weeks.That was such a sad chapter in our new life...

We  got us our own Buck ,Mr.Tumnus. He is a very sweet and good natured fellow,and very handsome ! So by this time Nibbles was old enough and Doodah was more than ready according to her Banshee wailings! This meant even longer wait for the elusive fresh milk,baby goats just don't happen over night you know!
A lesser,non hard headed hillbilly woman  might have given up by now...not me! So Nibble's finally  has her boys and Doodah has her triplets and we are waiting until the time is right.

There is something I need to tell you about Nibbles...if goats could be diagnosed with  goatie ADHD she would be the poster goat for it! Training her to milk has been...interesting to say the least. I had been leaving it up to The Boy to get her used to the stand and getting...handled ! A week goes buy and I have no milk...I ask what is going on and he tells me she won't stay still.Well, of course not, it is Nibbles after all! So I make him a Velcro hobble  for her. No go ,she is too strong for it .So,  I decide I am going to get some milk one way or another, I have waited long enough!

I go out to appraise the situation. I have my milk pan in hand...I give Nibbles a steely gaze ,she looks at me like a brainless idiot. Surly, I think, I can get me some milk out of this  crazy ADHD goat. She hops up on the stanchion and begins eating. Well that was easy...maybe too easy! I put my pan under her and go to milk and she is still  from the mid-body up, except for her big ole rubbery Nibble lips hoovering up that feed at light speed! She has got to be setting some sort of record! Now from the waist down..wait,I don't think goats have waist...well you know where I mean! From the waist down she is doing something akin to Fred Astaire on crack. "What the heck is wrong with your goat?!?!" I am genuinely ....perplexed! Well....I am getting some milk from this goat one way or another! I tell The Boy,"Grab on to them back legs because we are fixen to tag team wrestle this  crazy goat!"
And we did, and we did it again the next day and we will ever day until she decides to surrender and GIVE ME MY MILK! I have been waiting a year and a half for this milk and I am going to get it even if The Boy has to take a goat hoof to the head! No, no, I am just kidding,but I am getting my milk! I have been dreaming of fresh milk for so long...I was a little nervous at the first sip,I had never actually had goats milk before. I had heard from some it is horrible and some it is delicious.....and I have to say YUM! It was really good!..Next week I start with Doodah. Then It really will be tag team wrestling..the Goaties vs. The People! Maybe I should say the Goaties vs.The Stubborn Hard-Headed Hilly Billy Woman and her Offspring!

21 comments:

small farm girl said...

Oh this post is so funny! I'm getting some milk goats soon. After reading your post, I'm not sure what I got myself into. LOL.

IsobelleGoLightly said...

Hee hee! But you loooove goats! Aren't we wonderful creatures?

Sharon said...

It's funny.... but it isn't. Sorry for your trials. We had goats once - never again, oh, I think about it and then remember... nah, not for me!

Lin said...

Wow, they don't like to be milked?? Who knew?? I hope you get your milk AND a lot of it, pally. Sheesh, after all that work, you deserve a cool drink!

polly's path said...

You go, girl.
I thought I had it hard with China-I should be thankful.

Catherine said...

I wish you were closer; I'd come help. One suggestion--buy an udderly ez milker (http://udderlyez.com/) To be crude, it's basically a breast pump for goats! But it milks directly into a bottle, so they can't kick it over or step in the bucket, and since it only goes over the teat, usually the goat doesn't fight it...too hard.

Linda said...

First I want to say thanks for visiting and commenting in my blog!

You had me laughing so hard I almost fell outa my chair! I had to read to hubby "From the waist down she is doing something akin to Fred Astaire on crack." He howled! That was good!

Sounds like you got it under control... and as I have said many times, goat's milk is awesome! I think many people equate it with the nasty stuff you buy in the store, which is truly horrible...

Farmgirl Cyn said...

Fred Astaire on crack!!!! Laughing out loud over this! Crazy goat. I'm thinkin' your pet name suits you!

DebH said...

Oh Goodness...I am in stitches. Stick with-it you hard headed hillbilly woman you, LOL, it will work and you will be stunned. When she figures it out, you will have her where you want her. I KNOW!! I have had dairy cows and goats who tried to show me a thing or two. If it weren't for my own Hard Headed Stubborn Hillbilly nature, they may of won! Seems the worst ones the first year are always the sweetest most docile the second. Goat milk is AMAZING!! I milk and put it immediatly in glass jars and have a bucket of ice water beside me while I milk. I get it incredibly cold and I always have the sweetest tasting milk you could imagine....also...a dairy cow is a handful sometimes, but BOY the milk you can get! If only I didn't have to work a day job, I would have my fridge and freezer full of milk!

Pricilla said...

heh heh

It can be challenging. I was spoiled with Pricilla because she was so good. Then Abby kidded and I tried milking her and it was a bit of a struggle and now she is an excellent milker. Mallory was a demon and still gives me the occasional kick. Jillian never gave in and well, she's not with us any longer. She would just plain sit down.

Keep trying. That's all I can say. Goat's milk is great. The taste is all in what they eat. If they are grazing good grass and eating good hay the milk will be just like cow's milk.

Foothills Poultry said...

hmmm, milk. Worth it? At least is makes a hilarious story.

~~Matt~~

Texan said...

okay girly I have had a very good laugh, Thanks! ...

I so should milk or try to milk one of our goats and just see what the milk taste like. That store bought goat cheese is some wangy stuff to my taste buds... but those that have their own goats seem to say its so good...mmm I am thinking Sugarcube is my best bed!

I know Liberty is toally a bad choice! Bossy well she is big and I am thinking maybe not my best choice... Harssy might go for it... mmmm ... I need a milking stand... well I guess I could just have honeyman hold Sugarcube and I can milk her... see if I like it... if so then honeyman can build me a milking stand! :O)... she would most likely go for it for a handful of nilla wafers :O)...

Kelly said...

Your experiences sound quite like mine! Our cow, Elsie, is currently at "charm school" where her teacher told us she'd just eat her, she's that much trouble! She's staying there til she comes into heat again cuz the bull lives near there and we don't. She calves easy, so we'll try again next year and if she's still stubborn, she's going in the freezer. We trimmed her horns and that just made her more angry.

I have a Fred Astaire goat too! It's almost not worth milking her-averages a pint a day-but I keep doing it. Both of our goats legs are too skinny for the SMALL goat hobble we bought, so it doesn't do much good. I've tried the back legs being held trick and she totall freaks out, making me think she'll break her neck in the stanchion, so we don't do it. We are headed out to buy a buck tonight and breed her, then I think I'll just stop milking her til she freshens again.

We've got two new Nubian/Boers and one's baby is almost 3 months old. Mama needs to learn to be milked now. Here we go again!

Carolyn said...

this is hilarious! you will prevail!

Teresa said...

How funny. Of my five original Saanen nannies, only two let me milk them. I never did anything to train them, and they are just fine with it. Two of the others turn evil. Go figures. I'll never understand what makes one a milk nanny and the other a wild thing.

Love Life said...

lol that was funny : ) I hope Doodah is easier to milk. I have never tried goats milk. Maybe one day i will be able 2 : )

the wild magnolia said...

What a hoot! Goaties vx. "Hooman's" for milk. You've worked hard and you've waited for milk. You deserve this milk and you shall have it.

I never knew milking could be such a challenge.

Wishing you and the goaties milking success!

Callie said...

Congratulations! Milk!
You waited, and worked hard for every drop. Hooray for Hill Billy Woman!

Window On The Prairie said...

They all have different personalities don't they. Some of our cows are good mamas, and some not so good.

Nekkid Chicken said...

I am dying here! TOOLS OF DARKNESS

You will make me wake up the boys with my woody woodpecker laugh. LOL

Leslie said...

Your story is hilarious!